Sail
by Ryley Edlund
Summary: Destiel Songfic AU inspired by the song Sail by Awolnation. Castiel and Dean have been dating for a while, but Castiel hides a big secret from Dean: Castiel does drugs to escape his problems. How will Dean react when he learns the truth? Will he stay with Castiel and help him? [Trigger Warnings listed in first chapter]
1. Chapter 1

**I decided to try my hand at a Songfic to the song Sail by Awolnation. I know that my interpretation isn't exactly the "right" interpretation, but I guess it's just what the song means to me. I hope you guys enjoy! :)**

**Trigger Warnings: drugs, self-hate, and suicidal thoughts**

* * *

_This is how I show my love_

_I made it in my mind because_

_Blame it on my A-D-D baby_

_. . ._

In the corner of an old shack in the middle of the woods, concealed from society, was a scrawny boy. Jet-black hair and eyes bluer than the ocean itself. Castiel Novak, legs crossed and arms shaking. Sweat draining from his head and his eyes out of focus, thinking of what he was about to do. He had to stop this. It has been going on for months and slowly was getting a grip around the neck of his life and choking. Castiel's boyfriend had begun to see the signs and they were becoming harder to hide.

"Cas, why are you shaking?" Dean asked one day previous.

"Oh, it's just my A-D-D, Dean. Don't worry about it, babe." Castiel said, shaking his head. He felt like ants were crawling over him. He hadn't had a hit in weeks. Partially due to lack of money, mostly due to wanting to quit because it was ruining his life and had the potential to ruin his relationship.

"Alright, then." Was Dean's response, voice laced with disbelief, but not wanting to press the matter. "Do you want to hang out tomorrow?"

Castiel searched his mind for a more believable excuse, but all he came up with was "I can't, I have... other stuff planned already."

And this was his _other stuff_. Blowing off his boyfriend to steal money from his mother and meeting his dealer.

Unable to help himself any longer, he put a straw between his lips and held up a metal spoon with a small, crushed up tablet in it. He held up his lighter under the spoon and as the tablet began to melt, he inhaled.

Instantly, he felt the warmth travel down his throat, into his lungs, then gradually travel to the tips of his fingers and toes.

He breathed in the gas from the melting tablet again and this time he exhaled with his mouth wide open, allowing the straw to fall from his lips. He threw his head back and imagined his breath as all of his problems leaving his body; just sailing away.

_Sail_

True as it was, the drugs were ruining his life, but for a short while they allowed every single problem to leave him. To just sail away and leave him deserted on an island of peace.

_Sail_

His troubles never left the island for long. They would always come back and he would have to cast them off again.

_Sail_

For now, he was in peace and bliss and everything was perfect.

_Sail_

But eventually he other shoe always drops and Castiel will end up hating himself again.

_Sail_

* * *

**I realize this is very short, but don't worry! This is not the whole fic, I'm just not sure how everyone else will feel about it. So please leave a review telling me if you want more. This could possibly end up being a few chapters long (I was orriginally going to put it all together into one really long chapter, but I want some feedback first).**

**I hope you all enjoyed this chapter and _please_ let me know if you want more!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you for the possitive reviews on the first chapter. This chapter brings the rating up to M. I hope you all enjoy!**

* * *

_Maybe I'm a different breed_

_Maybe I'm not listening _

_Blame it on my A-D-D baby_

_. . ._

Castiel fell backwards on to his bed, sinking into the sheets as Dean's body tumbled down on top of him. He ran one hand through Dean's short hair and the other down his back to firmly grab his ass.

Castiel always felt ecstasy flow through him when he had sex with Dean, but doing it while he was high... _oh._ That was so much better.

Dean ground his hips into Castiel's, causing him to moan into the crook of Dean's neck where he was leaving marks of his love.

After several moments of roaming each other's bare bodies (aside from their boxers), Dean nibbled down on Castiel's ear.

"Do you have-"

"Yeah" Castiel gasped out as Dean breathed the husky words into his ear. "Top drawer of my computer desk."

Dean planted a hard kiss to Castiel's lips then leaped off of him, rolled off the bed, and practically skipped to the computer desk.

Castiel giggled and rested his head back on the bed and rubbed his fully erect length through his boxers. He was _so_ ready for this. He felt bad about blowing off Dean and wanted to make it up to him, while also assuring him that nothing was wrong. That's why he was doing this (Okay, his horny-ness played a part, as well).

Castiel bit his lip as he thought of the events that were sure to take place only moments form now. How he longed to have Dean's cock warm and hard inside of him. He let out a soft groan that Dean apparently didn't hear since he didn't shoot back any smart-ass remarks, not even a smirk, as he rummaged through the drawer.

Then realization struck Castiel.

His eyes shot open and he abruptly sat up. "Shit, Dean! Stop going through that drawer!"

But it was too late.

Dean was holding a small bag full of tablets and staring at it with a blank gaze. "What? Didn't want me to find these?" He said.

Castiel tried to keep the horror-stricken look off of his face and said, "What? No, those are just my meds. I just meant that the lube isn't in there." He thought he actually sounded pretty convincing.

But Dean was having none of it. "Uh, nope. Your lube is right here." He said, pulling out a bottle of lube then tossing it back. He then held up the bag of tablets. "Cas, What are these?"

Determined to stick with his story, Castiel said, "I told you. They're my pills, Dean."

Dean slammed his free hand on the desk, causing his boyfriend to jump. "I'm sick of the bullshit, Cas. What the hell are they?"

Castiel found himself afraid of his boyfriend. He almost never got angry at him and seeing how angry he was from just _thinking_ Castiel _had_ drugs made him terrified of what would happen if he knew the whole truth.

When Castiel didn't answer, Dean opened the bag and took a long whiff of the tablets then buried his nose in his elbow.

He stood like that for a moment then lowered his arm and sucked in his cheeks, as if trying to hold himself together. When he finally spoke, it sounded like forced words. "Meth? Seriously, Cas? What the hell are you doing with meth?"

Castiel tried to think of a believable lie, but let's he honest, he was high and horny.

"Okay, you've got me. I've been dealing for extra money." He managed to lie.

Dean scoffed, "Dealing my ass! You don't _have_ any extra money! You're constantly borrowing and this is probably why! I bet this is also why you've been shaking non-stop, the failing grades, the sneaking off to God-knows-where... wait... is this what you were doing today?"

Castiel didn't want to lie to Dean anymore. Dean wasn't stupid and he should stop treating him like he was. He just didn't know where to begin.

"Dean... I've been trying to stop, it's just so_ hard_."

Dean turned to look Castiel in the eyes, "Why didn't you just ask me for help?"

Castiel opened his mouth in disbelief. "Why on Earth would I want a confrontation like this? When you react so harshly?"

"I wouldn't react this way if you hadn't _hidden_ it from me." Dean raised his voice.

"I know! I'm sorry! Dean, I promise from now on, I will tell you everything... Dean, trust me. Please."

Dean dropped his jaw and took two steps toward Castiel, holding the bag up in his fist. "_Trust_ you?! How the hell can I_ trust_ you when you lie to my face after I caught you red-handed?!"

_Sail_

Castiel had no response for that. He just sank his shoulders and hung his head, feeling guilty.

_Sail_

They stayed like that in silence for a long few moments. Castiel was thinking of every opportunity he'd had to prevent this from happening and hating himself for never seizing any of them.

_Sail_

Dean finally broke the silence by walking back towards the computer desk and making a sickening, angry smirk then saying, "A-D-D, huh?" Castiel didn't have a response, but Dean didn't wait for one. He tossed the bag into the drawer, picked up his clothes, and left.

_Sail_

There goes the other shoe.

_Sail_

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**Yay for longer chapters! I think there might be one or two more chapters because, like I said, this was only going to be one long one, but I wanted feedback before I finished it all and since I already cut it up, I might-as-well keep going with that pattern. **

**I hope you enjoy the story so far! Please leave a review!**


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